Farmhands are certainly aware that we at Tower Farm write reviews for movies that have already been released to DVD (or, as is often the case, VHS). We do not write reviews for movies that are currently out in theaters... mostly, because we can't hit pause as we try to get through gut-wrenching laughter.
Anyway, this weekend, the two of us were able to squeeze in three movies, total. JM saw The Final Destination in 3d, Billy watched Sorority Row, and the two of us took in Halloween 2. Here are some quick thoughts on the three movies.
The Final Destination
by JM
This movie is a totally boring. Far and away the worst entry in the series. The special effects were terrible and the actors had all the flair of Star Trek: The Next Generation's "Data". Now, don't get me wrong, I love cheesy effects and bad acting. But, the effects were just lame and the acting was nonexistent. Yawn.
Sorority Row
By Billy
Everything about this movie is perfect. It is kind of like the Black Xmas remake, except instead of a yellow-skinned Billy and a man playing Agnes, we get someone who used to be Carrie Fisher and a person that appears to be Bruce Willis in drag. Basically "borrowing" the plot of I Know What You Did Last Summer and "borrowing" the characters from Valentine, the cast and crew come up with a real winner. Mixing in some nasty bloody death scenes, nudity, and the revelatory performance of Audrina Patridge, this is a movie made for Tower Farm.
Halloween 2
By JM and Billy
We predicted we would be hailing this as a "disasterpiece", and it is. It also happens to be the best slasher movie ever made. Period. From Rob Zombie's insistance on making his wife the star (even though she died in the first installment), to his reimagining of Haddonfield as some sort of barren Swedish countryside, our director excels at screwing up every single element. But, like Pieces before it, every nonsensical moment is played to perfection. Highlights include: Malcolm McDowell's press conference meltdown (and achievement in overacting), a costume party that seems to take place on another planet, another thankless performance for Danielle Harris who has to wear fake scars throughout her screen time, and the absolute brilliance of Scout Taylor-Compton playing a Goth 12-year old. Needless to say, we can barely wait until this is on DVD.
On a final note, Billy and I have secured our tickets to Screamfest in Orlando, FL this year (www.spookyempire.com). With guests including Linda Blair, Danielle Harris, Fairuza Balk, and Shannen Doherty, the weekend is sure to be orgasmic for us. Just curious to know if anyone else is planning on attending. Let us know if you will be there!
Thanks for all of those reviews, you just saved me thirty some bucks...though I confess I might have to sneak in for a view of Sorority Row as Carrie Fisher is in it, and, well, frankly, I worship the ground that bi-polar mad woman walks on.
ReplyDeleteOh you guys crack me up. I love how everything is flipped, what's bad is good, what's good is boring. :D
ReplyDeletethis is brilliant! looked through the list of movies you've reviewed and saw tons that I am dying to read. *gets to it*
ReplyDeleteI WILL see Sorority Row....as soon as it's on my illegal movie viewing service :D
ReplyDeleteThe other two can wait for DVD, I think.
I loved your short reviews. I'm glad we can agree on H2. I think the term "disasterpiece" is dead-on. On a bad movie scale, it's absolutely brilliant because it actually tries to be a great film.
ReplyDeleteI think I liked TFD more than you did but you're right - it's the worst entry in the franchise. Without the 3-D effects, it'd be a waste of time. Although Krista Allen makes it almost worth the price of admission.
Haven't seen SORORITY ROW but everyone seems to be giving it "so bad it's good" ratings. I'll definitely take a peek.
Are you gonna see JENNIFER'S BODY? That one could go either way.
Fred-
ReplyDeleteActually, I am going to go ahead and disagree with you here. JENNIFER'S BODY can't go either way. It is going to be terrible. But, teenage boys everywhere will cram theaters hoping in futile that it's star might flash some nudity. Good luck on that one, fellas.
JM
Its looking more and more like I actually have to see Sorority Row, thanks alot guys! I thought I could write it off and not think twice about it, but I loves me some Black XMas.. Short reviews are Carls friend =D
ReplyDeleteOh Im shocked about Sorority Row. I did plan on seeing this because I used to be in a sorority, an engineering one not a party one cuz the movie looked kinda cool from the extended trailer but now I actually might really go see it. It still screams matinee to me, but I'll give it a whirl. I liked Valentine & I know what you did last summer so rockin!!
ReplyDelete