About halfway through watching The Hills Run Red, I started having the feeling of déjà vu. Like, everything about it seemed familiar…and not in the usual way that everything seems familiar in straight-to-DVD horror. This time I kept recognizing and predicting elements: odd, bland final girl? Check. Generic, vaguely European locations? Check. Possible accents being (unsuccessfully) hidden by inexperienced actors? Check.
Good God – this movie is Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead.
Seriously, these two movies are eerily similar. Both feature British actors doing their best to convince us they’re red-blooded Americans, and both were filmed in Europe while taking place in backwoods America. Both movies also feature some jaw-droppingly bad CGI death scenes and scripts that make little – if any – sense. And by the way, if you don’t believe me that this is an Eastern European production trying to pass itself off as American, just take a look at these credits:
In short, we should love this movie. But while I at least appreciated the sloppy cheapness of Wrong Turn 3, I was so bored by Hills that I can’t even love it for its half-assed attempts to look big-budget. And I realize that a lot of people on the Internet say this is a really good movie, but there’s a strong chance those people are horny pre-teens who were blinded by the abundance of breasts in the first-half of the movie. Thankfully for you, I am not a reviewer blinded by boobs. Unless they’re hanging off Linda Blair’s chest. Then they’re kind of distracting.